No more torturing
by Adri1577
Summary: Bella talks to Jacob after Edward's return in the end of New Moon before Eclipse. Something I believe she should have told him. Bella's POV. Oneshot


This is a short one-shot situated at the very end of New Moon after Edward returns and promises to never leave Bella again. This is Bella talking to Jacob. My brother is breaking up with his girlfriend for his job, and this is what I thought of after one of the many long conversations with him.

Enjoy!

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Bella's POV**

When Edward returned, I could hardly believe my luck. I was so happy being with him again. Finally I was alive, and those months without him felt like they never happened at all; just a nightmare and nothing more. Of course because of Charlie and his attitude towards Edward I couldn't be with my love as much as I wanted. The only times when I was allowed to leave home were going to school and visiting Jacob. My werewolf friend will always have his place in my heart; he was special to me, and I wanted to be fair with him. That's why I decided to do this.

We were walking down the beach in La Push; Edward never said a word, but I knew that he was waiting for me at the border line.

"He is no good for you, and you know it." Jacob mumbled irritated. He dragged his feet across the water and sand kicking every stone he came across.

"He can protect me. His family already welcomed me in, and they will always help in every way they can." I sighed. Same arguments all over again felt like we had been having this conversation for eternity.

"We can protect you better than them and without putting you into a greater danger." His annoyance was starting to irritate me.

"And he loves me, and I love him." I put my foot down.

"I can love you stronger; I can give you what he can only wish." He stopped walking and turned to me. I also came to a halt.

"But _I _love _him_." This was it. I had to finish this if not for his sake then for my own sanity.

"A few months more and you would have forgotten about him. I would have made you happy." His stern eyes born into mine.

I took a deep breath. "Being with you? Happy? Every time I was with you, I felt like I was lying to you, cheating on you. Every time and all the time a part of my mind and my entire heart was aching, craving for him. You helped me when I needed the most, and for that I will always be grateful, but I love _him_."

"Why are we having this conversation at all?" He whined. "You already know my answer."

"Because I want you to realize mine. When I am with you, I need him more than I need air. I miss him; I cannot stop thinking about him. This is love." I looked at his pained expression. The hardest part was coming. "And when I am with him." I paused to bring his attention back from the self-pity he had fallen into. "I feel guilty. I am happy to be with him; he makes the world go round for me. But I can't shake off that feeling. It's not love like when I am not with him, and I need him. It's more like sneaking a sweet from a chocolate box when my mom told me not to do that. Breaking the rules that the others created for me." I paused to look at the water; it always helped to gather my thoughts. "I feel like I am lying. To you, to him. To myself. And I want to stop this. You are my best friend, but there will never be anything more than that. When we talk, you don't understand half of my words; you don't even try. You ask me how I am because you feel like it is your duty." I fell silent for a moment. "Edward always tries to read as much as he can from my words and expressions. Sure, sometimes he fails, but at least he puts in a lot of effort without making a fuss that I'm too complicated and stubborn. He cares about how I truly feel, and not how he _wants_ to make me feel. You want me to hate him, but all you do is causing the opposite. When you attack him, I feel like I must defend him, and my love for him only grows stronger and deeper. He drove me here without uttering a single word or making a face. No snide comments, no growling. Complete acceptance of what _I _want." He tightly pressed his lips. I knew I was being selfish, but this was my life, and I had only one try at it. I was ready to finish this conversation for good and finally carry on with my life. "You are my best friend, but I love _him._ The sooner you deal with this, the better it will be for you." I knew my words were harsh, but it's not like there was another way to make him understand me. That's it. Now I was free to be happy without feeling guilty.

I turned away from Jacob leaving him on the beach and turned for the road. The way in front of me was longer than ever before and never seemed to end because this time I knew that at the end of it my love was waiting for me. When I saw the silver Volvo, I ran to it as quickly as I could. Now I was truly happy and free.

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Thank you for reading. ****Let me know what you think about it and if you liked it or not.**


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